How to spice up the bedroom after years of marriage

Ruby McKenzie
5 Min Read

If you have been married long enough you would know by now that things can become more than a little boring after some years. Especially in the bedroom. It can seem like you have seen and done it all with each other. How can you bring back the flare in the most important place in your marriage—the bedroom?

The following tips can help you spice things up after years of marriage.

First work on your emotional intimacy

Do you still recall how you felt about your partner the first time you both touched? How about your first night together? What were the emotions that led you to the bedroom like?

These are some of the questions you need to ask and explore in order to reignite the spark again. You need to begin by igniting the emotional connection again if it has waned. The best way to get things going again in this department is open discussions about your emotional needs; positive talks about where and when you want to be touched.

Touch more, hold hands more

Next, work on physical contact again. It may be that you both have neglected the small things that make big things, like holding hands, touching in the most unlikely places. Even a little brush of skin can arouse sexual tension that will lead to the bedroom. Touching is known to release oxytocin which relaxes the nerves. And when you find yourselves moving into the bedroom, resist the urge to rush into sex. Employ more touching during foreplay.

Improvise with initiating sex

Intimacy in the bedroom is usually lost when partners criticize each other or deny each other sex, either tacitly or otherwise.

It is time to switch things up if you want to spice up the bedroom activities again. If your partner is more proficient at initiating sex, be more accepting by encouraging it. Wear something sexy at dinner, or dates, give inviting glances and smiles. Even in unusual places. This increases anticipation for each other. Be spontaneous too. Make use of quickie opportunities as often as you can.

Build sexual tension

Much of working romance happens when the anticipated event is delayed. You must both be on the same page though. While leaving events to play out naturally, you can allow foreplay to take longer. You may even deliberately allow breaks in between foreplay which can begin in the car, at a public restroom or any such place. Texting your fantasy to your partner earlier in the day, describing in details what you want to do when you meet can help build sexual tension. Share these fantasies with each other and see how steamy it begins to get in your bedroom again.

Keep relationship problems out of the bedroom

Yes, if you are going to spice things up again in your marriage, you have to consecrate the bedroom so to speak, from the worries of the day. Perhaps discuss the relationship problems in the living room and finalize your plans there as well. When you are done, calm things down with soft music, some wine. Dance into the bedroom and let the rest happen as naturally and slowly as you can allow.

Be vulnerable in bed

Let yourself lose when you are in bed with your partner. Let your inhibitions go. Holding back your moans may be standing in the way of enjoying your sex life. Share your fantasies with your partner. Don’t be afraid to introduce toys such as dildos into the bedroom as they can bring new interest. Lead them into that world of yours and don’t be afraid to experience the intimacy of it with your partner.

Final thoughts

Reigniting the fire in the bedroom after many years of marriage can take a little time. With sincere efforts though, things can be spiced up again and you can begin to enjoy sex like it is the first time all over again.

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